My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. 2. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. Why Do We Celebrate It? 10. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. DeFrigNo! I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. MARCH! 'Never fly in the same cockpit. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. 4. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? 39. Flight Announcements 4. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. Auld Lang Slice 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? He is the Founder and . 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. 64. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. Aviation JOKES. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. 65. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. 10. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. 35. This is really good, he said. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. He needed COVER! On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. What is a Soldiers least favorite month? What did one panicking sailor say to the other? !" Marine: "Wait, stop. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. 5. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas . Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. Takeoffs are optional. One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. 32. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! We were a tough group. He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. [Answered]. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. Bad altitude. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? Ocean Pearl, I answered. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. The Army will post guards around the building. Fish Food. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Stay out of clouds. Caller: Sgt. USA: Choppers Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Military 3. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. He had the same plane as yours. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. What happened Sergeant? In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. USN: Helos During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. I was very nervous, she said. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? Me: Still the wrong number. 3. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. The reason? They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. Thats Daddy. (Hang up. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? Now he likes peanuts.. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. But something struck me as odd. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. Of course, he responded. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. She told me she warships them. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. 4. The other replied, Not me! If pilots screw up, they die. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. A military captain saying I was just thinking Its not weak, he replied. 12. When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Killed bin Laden. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. Fish Food. How tough? Yes, she said. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. ! Again, no reply. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. Large mahogany desk.. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. They cant seem to string three Ws together. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? Then one day I couldnt find it. St. During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Me: Hello? 38. 28. Ocean Pearl, I answered. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. A drill serGENTLEMEN! It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: (Hang up. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. It took the poor guy all day. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. But I had the last laugh. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. She also liked her scotch. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. Thanks.. No, we dont, she said. I set out a roach bombthey defused it. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. A Recruiter Misled You. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. R-i-i-ing!) Marine: Wait, stop. And )second Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. We are directly under the moon.. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. The INFANTry! The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. 44. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. 34. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. A friend paid my mother a visit. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. 49. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. This site contains affiliate links. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. The c.i.a. 18. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? Why arent there any insects in an Army base? What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". Pilots 5. Military jokes! Unless you can be Batman. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Read more. Read more. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. Dont think so? After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? Reply: No, I say again. ! Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. Why? I asked. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? I was very nervous, she said. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. Caller: Is Sgt. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. Whats an LMD? I asked. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. Rodrigues there? Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar?
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