Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. You bet your fur! Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill? I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!, the officer said.I did, the man replied. I bought an automatic shovel. Because then it would be a foot. What do you call a singing laptop? 287. In case there is a salad dressing, 59. A meow-tain. Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition? Because you should never drink and derive. Two walkie talkies got married. Where do elephants store their clothes? A dragon sees two knights and sighs. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container. 109. "Driver: "Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average. He ordered some. Jim says to Bob: You know what? "The vendor replies, "Change comes from within.". 104. Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day.The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint. That hit the spot. Please check link and try again. A year later, theres another knock at the door. The boy takes the quarters and leaves. 65. A redneck husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife mother of six rather than by her first name.The wife, amused at first, chuckles. Its called speedin.. A happy uncle. At sundae school. The past, present and future . How do you mend a jack-o-lantern? The mummy said, "Please don't play jazz because my trom-bones are in a very bad shape. ", Kid going to his first day of school, he looks worried, his dad asks him, "What's wrong? 169. Goodbye, 2022. 162. He's demanding 10 million rubles, or he'll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire. Choose from A-line dresses in sizes XXS-4XL and T-shirt dresses in sizes XS-XXL. Launch. 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What does a ghost wear to splash in puddles? Any dog, because buildings cant jump. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. A bulldozer. 117. The man called out to the farmer, "How long will it take me to get to the next town? Say there, says the farmer, you fellers didnt happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?, The first hunter says, Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin about a hundred miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!, The old farmer said, Thats impossible. What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings? 34. It was a vicious cycle. 100. When I offered it some food, I was taken aback because it suddenly started talking. Seeing the historians alarmed, the mummy said that he just wanted to listen to some music. He just told me that if I wanted to get a free haircut at the barbershop, I should come with him. What did the pirate say when he turned 80? What's a cat's favorite dessert? What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? How do you make a pool table laugh? Diddly-squats. A pouch potato. In a hambulance. Get the kids giggling by asking why birds fly south for the winter. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. 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""For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife.""Ex-wife!" When asked the secret of her longevity, she attributed it to taking a walk at midnight every night. 231. Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal to someone else, will receive unlimited free liquor for the duration of the flight! A father-in-law. Ooops! Chocolate Chimp! It let out a little wine. Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common? 113. Why cant a bicycle stand on its own? Really? 101. 269. 236. 22 How can you tell if a redneck is married? 50 of the funniest dog memes ever. Igloos it together. 203. My girlfriend and I are trying this whole "long distance relationship" thing.I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. 127. The barber finished giving the haircut but there was no sign of the father. Did you hear about the emotional wedding? He was so good, I don't even. ", The historians had gathered for a party in Cairo after they had discovered a new mummy. It's a knight light. 1 What did the pirate say when he turned 80? You know that candy that has a funny joke printed on each wrapper. Billy Bob and Dale were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Dale, Yaw know, I reckon Im bout ready for a vacation. ", Putin is held hostage by a terrorist. 241. I will never forget some of these, and you better believe my friends are hearing them. Lemon aid! The discovered mummy, on display at the party hall, suddenly woke up. Let me send you my very best ideas, free printables, inspiration and exclusive content every week! What is the strongest animal in the sea? 60. A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. 145. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. I'm really good at sleeping. Let's be honest - dirty jokes can be a hit or a miss. If she wasnt good enough for her own family, then she isnt good enough for ours.. The alarmed waiter rushes over and says, "Well Sir, it was freshly ground coffee! Why are ghosts good cheerleaders? Poke him on. How do trees access the internet? 224. A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. 136. Ive been here only 20 minutes!No mistake, the doctor says. What do you call a belt with a watch on it? 294. Why do we tell actors to break a leg? What does a pig put on dry skin? What is the center of gravity? 151. 77. A Desperado rides into town and downs a few drinks at the saloon. What did one plate say to the other? They planet. Donald Trump was walking through Manhattan and saw a long queue. "Make me one with everything," says the Buddhist to the tofu hot dog vendor. A redneck took his daughter to the gynecologist. We did our best to bring you only the best ones. Why do hurricanes wear a monocle to see? 288. Batman! 90. Please share in the comments. He picks it up and starts crying, thinking hes a horrible person. "Help! A boy read a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free French fries. He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse? Why cant you trust an atom? Wondering what is was for, he joined it. A little girl once lied and took two oranges, but the priest told her she mustn't lie because God is watching. 188. Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor? Theyre buoy-ant. "Nervous, the kid asks, "How long do I have to go to school for? What do you do with old German cars? He threatened the manager by saying, "If you try to do anything smart, you're fiction." Two redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. The coach replied, "You're standing too close to the ball after you've hit it.". Chris James is black and has a British accent.Want to see more Stand Up Comedy? While they were playing in their fort, one of the boys accidentally stepped in the redneck cousins finger. Bubba the redneck decided to save up and get a hang-glider. Because it was framed. Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg." "When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?" Posted On 7, 2022. "That kid never learns! They read: For best results, put on two coats., A man is driving down a highway, and he hits and kills a rabbit. 282. The reception was amazing. Because it had so many problems. "I responded, "Inflation. We would love to have another good laugh. Where did the music teacher leave her keys? What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? The police officer gets out of his car and approaches the window of the Muslim mans car. People who dont like fast food! 14. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? What do sea monsters eat? Blew. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor. "The bartender thinks for a moment, then replies, "Y, the long face. What runs but never goes anywhere? Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? Why did the alien go to the doctor? Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor..
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