10. It happens, some people are incredibly fertile. REALLY? This is about a pregnancy thats two weeks in. Ive stayed away from this question because I honestly dont think I have a very well informed opinion on the matter. Dr. Sherry, My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. By having sex you are saying that the woman might get pregnant and you are willing to deal with it if that is the case. Well, ok. There is a massive difference between wanting a pregnancy to be terminated and deciding to have nothing to do with a child who has been born. Because thats really not that old. After a breakup, Bird said, some people just need "an emotional cutoff and want to remove all evidence of their ex from their life.". hi there! I assume from the debate that this has become a fact that was inferred due to the women being on birth control. I dont think Ive ever seen you swear on here before! Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Your argument that consenting adults should never have sex unless theyre prepared to become parents neglects the fact that not only do we have the means to significantly reduce the risk of pregnancy, we have extremely safe ways of terminating pregnancies, especially very early on. LW, why in the hell would you want to get with this guy right now? Nice try. It's been really painful for me. oy. The timing was exactly right. iseeshiny Solved. April 9, 2012, 9:37 am. These people are the REAL zombies.. landygirl I spoke with him a second time after many missed calls and he seemed really upset about his situation and begged me to talk to him. Have you ever been in a fling for a good amount of time -- maybe even half a year . Women can choose whether to bind a man to support their child without the mans discretion. But by that same logic, you must be prepared to call a woman who doesnt want to be a mom a scumbag for getting an abortion (in the instances the guy wants to keep it but that woman doesnt). SweetsAndBeats Abortion does away with a potential baby- a life that will grow into a child if it continues to grow over the next several months-, and the other is walking out on an actual human being. Youre never going to persuade crazy, but other people reading can maybe read something interesting without getting too turned off by the insanity of one side. Thank God for the real men. Its fucking simple. He was clearly having unprotected sex with at least one other person. If a guy wants absolutely to avoid becoming a father, he is responsible for using additional BC or not having sex with women if he doesnt know what their stance on unintended pregnancy would be. Steve Kellmeyer Wrapping it up doesnt prevent pregnancy. Anyway, people are calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a woman he was dating. I was devastated. And you dont sound much better. What kind of 40 year old cant live without their SO. And as far as I can tell, it happens an awful lot. On a side note: If the adoption had not occured and she went after him for support, he could contest it by stating that it would be detrimental to the child as he has no fatherly relationship with the child and introducing such a relationship so many years later would be harmful. I love him so I'm willing to accept the baby. In any event, Im happy to hear what youve shared already! He had sex, she got pregnant, presumably its his, and hell provide support. Most guys with the level of responsibility that he is showing dont pay child support, anyway. Why are you standing up for mens right to bang a chick they have known two minutes without a condom and have no consequences for THEIR actions. She has no right to be angry at this other woman, and doesnt know what her motives are. Im not saying this guy is wonderful by any means. Abortion is a very personal choice and whether or not this woman chooses to have one is entirely HER business. Hes an idiot either way. And now onto you, ummmm you say he cant bare to be without you and never loved anyone as much as he loves you.well his actions sure say otherwise. April 9, 2012, 2:45 pm. However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. There is no rhyme or reason. I think your maturity should absolutely, completely be judged against how you react when life throws you unexpected thingslike an unplanned pregnancy. These Are The 5 Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship. Does that change the situation as all? Addie Pray April 11, 2012, 11:50 am. Its the second set of support owed to the child we are talking about. Heres how I interpreted it. She may have just dumped his ass and now he wants to temporarily get back with LW and knows what to say. T he mystery of Tom's sudden baby endured until several years ago when I looked him up on Facebook. It has nothing to do with the man. April 9, 2012, 4:23 pm. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. If it's been a relatively short amount of time (it's all relative, but I like to say three months or less), since the breakup/last time he/she spoke with you Why he would be furious with anyone other than himself is beyond me. As for the STDs nobody is saying that you shouldnt have sex because you could get them, they are saying that if you are going to have unprotected sex, and then sleep with a different person after that, you at the very least owe it to them, to tell them that you did this, and if they ask, you should get tested. Well, the law is schizophrenic. Steve Kellmeyer He said he would do whatever i wanted him to. You see being nurturing as a weakness. April 10, 2012, 5:59 pm. Doesnt matter if they took every precaution to design the worlds best bottle. Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? If the guy just walked away and contributed nothing, then that would be exactly akin to most adoptions, which, essentially, just mean letting someone else take care of your child. I hope your boyfriend will reconsider not being a part of this babys life. So go control them all you please. I think both sexes can own that one (although your estimate of what % of children born today are born to single patents is inaccurate). silver_dragon_girl Itll take work and patience, but he CAN be a father to the baby, and a partner to you.. First of all, she seems to think her boyfriends reaction is completely reasonable. Rachel, I have a child in the same situation. Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. And if you arent ready for a child, then use a goddamn condom. Neither are the kids, but thats beside the point where feminism is concerned, right? God knows the mother of this child will have no choice but to do that. LMAO. Oops this was meant as a reply to Steve up there! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR BOYFRIENDS PROBLEM. Oh wow, that was longer than I expected. They Didn't "Win". He says it's a mistake and just did it to forget me. Dude, thats seriously out of line. We only have sex if were ready to be a father? MOA, ASAP. Its always someone elses fault. Just reduces the chances. I was just 6 months into a relationship when I got pregnant. If you support legal abortion, then you emphatically deny that men create children. And why do you think shes trying to trap him? But if Im going to have casual sex without proper protection, well then Id better damn well be prepared for the potential consequences. Pretty sure this: and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby is the browbeat part. April 9, 2012, 7:11 pm. So just ignore them, thats what I do. Does this mean, then, that you advocate that every woman who ever gets pregnant must (a) have the child and (b) stay with the father, lest she be scum? I can agree with you that the decision about which medical proceedure she under goes after that point is totally hers., Is it any wonder that 40% of the kids born today are bastards?. Grow the fuck up! She didnt roofie him, Chuck. Anytime you have sex, theres a chance you could get pregnant, no matter how careful you are. And is this letter for real? 1.1K views, 24 likes, 7 loves, 2 comments, 9 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Shukla Gaming: Steve Wilkos ANGRY Moments Look you can either take what the LW wrote in the letter to be a marginally accurate representation of what is going on or why bother reading and commenting at all? just as she has the responsibility not to lie. I think hes scum because hes furious with the girl he impregnated. In this situation, there would be no contest of custody or support. I think that the thing to keep in mind is that the angry ranters are really just a very vocal minority. Secondly, it is a medical procedure. Whatever the case, youre not adding to the discussion. Your dad of course has had 25 years of having a daughter and being a grown up to teach him to have more sense. What are your thoughts on an abortion? Then, fine; but you need to consider the possibility of having to deal with this malarkey for the rest of the time you and your boyfriend are together. I just personally get outraged that this is the case: that he would have to pay support regardless, but that she can opt out of it. I totally agree with you for reasons you likely already understand. reader, lisa4mark+, writes (15 May 2008): A Its interesting how none of these comments address that he SPECIFICALLY said that he would have nothing to do with his own child. I feel like life for me hasnt gotten better and Im tired. You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life? He can bang the neighbor, the lunch lady, and his friendly neighborhood bartenderwhoever. I agree that condoms provide significantly better protection than not wearing anything. And as a grown adult; as a person whos lived 40 years and should have acquired a sense of decency and maturity; you should own up to the consequences of your actions. I dont think a relationship with the other woman will work but at the same time Id run from a man who wants nothing to do with their own child. I told her if its not about the kids, dont text him. Is it 100% fair to men or women? If that means not being with your boyfriend for the next 9 months to a year, then so be it (I dont think youll die without him). Guy Friday I dont know how you can defend it. iseeshiny But, of course, this makes him an asshole. I think difference is ensuring that the child is cared for. April 9, 2012, 9:16 pm. But youre too stupid/gullible to be angry at him. I agree with the magically thing. Its none of your business. We were back and forth and it was very frustrating for me so I gave him an ultimatum I told him that he either wanted to make it work and we move forward, or, that I was leaving to another city to start over without him. female It's painful to witness when you're still in love with a person, but one of the most common reasons why a person would jump into a new relationship right after a breakup is to mask the pain of it all. There isnt even a child on the scene yet (!) How does your law make this fair? I agree with SweetsandBeets. I think the LW here should wash her hands of this whole mess and stay away from the drama. And he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. And since shes the one with the baby in HER uterus, theres not a whole lot you can do to force her to have the abortion or stop her from doing so. So, in other words, men should only have oral sex no, wait, not even that, because the STD risk remains but that women can have all the se they want, because they have the option of aborting a resulting pregnancy? If he cant afford the child support, get away from him as he will be an emotional and financial drain. The man has NOTHING to do with any child creation. Steve Kellmeyer Im not disagreeing with your assessment at all, however, I have to question you on thisdo you really believe that if it were possible to two men or two women to get pregnant that they never would and things like this would never happen just because they were heterosexual? And because a mans physical committment to the pregnancy ends after coming, the woman gets to make the call. That is how we got our first kid. The fact that all this happened doesnt mean hes some despicable jackass. Thats fd. But shes having his baby and whether he likes her, loves her, or hates her, that baby is his child. April 10, 2012, 7:31 pm. Sometimes the contribution of a father who doesnt want to be a father is far worse than the lack of father. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. CONSTANTLY. nurserie cerise et capucine we broke up and he got another girl pregnant.If your ex got married only months after the breakup, then something doesn't feel right.In most cases with my clients, the girl is wanting the guy . Life is unfair. It would be one thing if he just lashed out in momentary anger/shock, but soon came around to a more sane discussion of options, etc. You dont ask women to have abortions unless youre scum. What you would do in her situation is irrelevant. April 9, 2012, 7:25 pm, I agree. And frankly, the more money and less contact the baby gets from your boyfriend, the better off he or she will be (not that s/he has much of a chance, given the nest of grown-ups s/hes coming into). I dont think she should have any sort of legal say about the decision to keep the baby, but I dont think shes committing some horrendous crime for judging it. Has a great job. I can assume, at age 40, this man may not want to have children ever, but he knows how babies are made. Dudes inner-monologue consists of the word Fuck clouded by that ringing noise you get after leaving a concert. Like labor isnt extremely painful. By continuing to use this site, you agree to our updated Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Shortly afterward we learned that he got the other woman pregnant. .of F****** Idiots. If you were thinking about breaking up with herthe pregnancy might be a trap. Its because of biology, and a legal system that puts the interests of the child above the interests of the parent. The baby is coming, the product of a two month relationship. Its not JUST about your ex-boyfriend, LW. They way the *LW* is painting the picture here of how she and her bf are treating the unborn child is unfair to the child and is why people are reacting the way they are. Both agreed to cut him out entirely, up to and including child support, so that he was free of any obligation. Yes, its shitty. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. Now if the issue remains private without government involvement, then no problem as long as she keeps to their agreement. Dont let him use you because his life is in chaos now. Wow RR, I like it when you get angry. I know one 40yr old lady who got pregnant after having her tubes tied. She didnt sneak up in the dark of the night and steal his seed and turkey baste herself, Chuck. No, then I would say she is just stupid. That is lie fed to naive girlfriends/wives. ele4phant It says there is no child at conception. WTH is that?! And finally we see what youre doing ranting about paternity laws and mens rights on a relationship advice site. Just sayin. Please. Out of all the cries of sexism being thrown back and forth, that to me truly is sexist, assuming that a mother cannot raise a well-adjusted child by herself. April 9, 2012, 12:16 pm. Personally, I think they should be given a one-time option to opt-out if the woman wants to keep the child and the man doesnt. Sure. However, sure, something unexpected and life-altering happened to him, and hes upset, so surely hes an idiot. Id at least like a comment from the LW, since, as much fun as this has been, I do agree that it seems not unlikely that the letter is contrived. A lottery win implies she is loaded and set for life. You have no idea what youre talking about, with regard to child support. We all know that going in. Model Mustang. Well, now it's been years. Kansas City, Missouri. Yes, he had unprotected sex. This man in the letter has spent those same 25 years being an ever-aging manchild. Oh, and of course, hes also called a dick, and ass, and other choice names. Susie is on birth control but they still discuss what names their eventual children will have. Dude, get away from this guy pronto! April 9, 2012, 2:39 pm. We judge people all the time where our judgment has absolutely no effect on the outcome, we arent participants in the issue and no one gives a crap what we think. ele4phant If I ever get pregnant and the dude wants nothing to do with the child, I will not force him. Male victims being forced to pay child support, while extremely rare, I agree is sad and unfair to those boys. But I dont see anything in the letter that means he must be.. April 9, 2012, 11:00 am. Because he had sex? If the woman is not required to support a child A LW comment would at least help me to believe its valid. And whether you believe its a child at conception or not, its a scientific fact that conception is what, at the very least, leads to life. What if she believes than an abortion is murder? He could've at least waited a week after coming back! We have been broken up for a few months but have remained friends and in contact. She asked what to do with this guy. The vast majority of parents who have at least a rough acknowledgement of their paternity/maternity have joint custody even if the guys a deadbeat. Of. April 9, 2012, 11:41 am. The fact that only the woman has the abortion option is biology, not anyones opinion. Basically, he is dumping you and moving on. I know exactly what child support means, and you are discussing the post-birth situation, where there actually is a child who actually needs support. You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning. He wants nothing to do with his own child. You have to be mature and know what is best for you. April 9, 2012, 3:42 pm. When someone else makes a decision that massively affects my life for the worse and disregards my preferences, it makes me angry and frustrated. she may well not be at all thrilled to be pregnant and not expecting anything from this guy. Your statement that she would not allow him to see his kids indicate that he has more than one child. April 9, 2012, 1:13 pm. Until thats legally extended as you propose any man who doesnt exercise that option has no one to blame but himself when he becomes a parent. And he has agreed to support the child financially. The memories you two have together are yours and yours alone. We need to rebuild our trust, but I cant trust the situation because he cheated on me with her. And yes, women do use the laws to trap men into financing their lifestyle of choice (as a single mother).. she's a real bitch. I dont have an opinion on your status of human or troll via DW forums. However, an absent father does not always result in an emotionally crippled child. The guy and the woman had sex. I dont think anyones saying that. Steve Kellmeyer Dont choose to roll those dice if you cant cope with all of the possible outcomes. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. He chose to not wear a condom and now he has to be responsible for his choice. And it's the best thing that ever happened to me. I just dont see why thats ok but its not ok for the guy to essentially do the same thing but then have to pay. Its not some windfall for women. by Kara Straight May 11, 2018. Neither is that birth control is not infallible. How very astute of you to notice the fundamental difference between the genders. Secondly, as PPs have pointed out, the whole concept of We cant live without one another is f-ed up. As for the whole mans right to not be a parent to a child thing, I agree with _jsw_. I totally understand. But, the real reason you cant let go is because you feel bad that youve invested 4 years into this relationship hoping it would lead to something, and all you got is heartbreak, and him getting another woman pregnant. Yea, it does sound even more ridiculous today. 1. April 10, 2012, 6:52 pm. People arent calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a women he was dating. After reading your comment, all I wanna say is, AfuckingMEN. Who knew? April 11, 2012, 2:00 am, John Rohan Yes everyone went bonkers. Privacy Policy. Men still lose here, because if theyre they one who wants the child, tough luck, but thats the way it is. Good. I think it is fair for him to be disappointed, angry and frustrated. In the vast majority of cases, these relationships do not last long and serve solely to be a . Also, it delights me that you base your assumptions on general human behavior on the Jerry Springer Show. You know, I dont have much patience this morning, so I (somewhat) apologize if my reply reeks of snark. Those are very different things. Of course it is, but we have no way of knowing that the other woman was lying about that. Holy hell, this guy sounds like a dick. I do not think he has a duty to be there for the child he never wanted and made it known he did not want to have with time to do something about it. Anyone would be angry in this situation. Its a sad situation when an unplanned pregnancy happens between two individuals that arent committed to each other, let alone two individuals who actively dislike each other. Sue Jones Sorry to be so long-winded but it happens sometimes. I was thinking this letter was going to be juicy!! That can either be a blessing or a curse, depending on your views of abortion, where you are in your life, who your partner is, etc. April 10, 2012, 7:38 pm. Again, youre defending this guys right to have sex and that is absurd to me. April 10, 2012, 10:34 am. female April 9, 2012, 7:33 pm. Even SCOTUS pointed that out. I mean, seriously. There is no inherent unfairness in current laws child support is gender-blind. Doesnt interest me. However, my point isnt that children should not be supported. exactly hes allowed to not want to be a father, but be smarter about birth control. if she has a miscarriage because he's back with you, your fault. I could understand that he would be shocked and unhappy, but who does that? Aim for the face. Why are you mopping and crying over a man who clearly doesnt want to be with you? So, then, women should always have to accept that theyre pregnant because they had sex and then have the child whether they want to or not? April 10, 2012, 5:55 pm, Heterophobe, hmmm, thats new one. Hey, honey, I thought you had control over your bodies? 3. Chuck(le) When you break up, you get the rare opportunity to see your ex's true nature at the worst of times. But everything youve written here about the pregnancy and the well being of the child has made me look at things with fresh eyes. I Got Another Girl Pregnant Prank *WE BROKE UP SIGH*Hylton's family vlog - https://youtu.be/pV11uGFaESsItz The Taylor's - https://youtu.be/8hVLcR1kvrsSUBSCRI. So your boyfriend said he wants nothing to do with his own child (except the required child support) and that didnt make you run screaming the other way? Sorry for any confusion! Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. BC. First, if you cant live without someone, why did you need a break? 8. April 10, 2012, 7:22 pm. You do know that birth control isnt 100% effective, right? It doesnt have to toss a ball with you to help with your rehab or take pictures of you with your new arm. She takes her pill every day at the same time. We were on and off for few months, and during that time we both dated other people. Actually, pulling out has a 4% failure rate versus 2% for condoms for perfect use. She got pregnant. No worries. It was one of those comments that deserved the opportunity to be liked twice anyway. He does nothing about the situation and when I try to talk about it, we never resolve the issue; he just says Im right but does nothing about it because she continues to do it. Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. Tim. This is usually created by one person chasing harder or desiring the person more. This surprises you? Turns out that the bout of food poisoning she got after their anniversary dinner and the diarrhea that came with it messed with the effectiveness of her birth control pills. They should be used. Also he could argue in court that the EXs fiance has taken on the role of father and the child would be damaged to find out that the fiance is not really the father. It could fail. Welcome.In todays video I PRANK MY GIRLFRIEND !I GOT ANOTHER GIRL PREGNANT PRANK ON GIRLFRIEND. My opinion is that we all know that it can happen whether youre on birth control or not. And with that said, he should confirm the woman is indeed pregnant and get a paternity test when the child is born. But you know what? I dont see why this issue is any different. Well, I guess its good that you now know that you cant bear life without each other, but that seems a bit juvenile to me. If the woman chooses to take on the responsibility of raising the child alone, she ought not have the right to force the indentured servitude (financial or otherwise) of the father against his stated wishes. Seriously this is skeeving me out. Let me fill you in on reality: when a guy sleeps with a woman he believes to be on the pill, he does so with the not-unreasonable expectation that she doesnt want to become pregnant. If it is hers you bet she supports it. A condom would have prevented this whole thing AND protected you from STDs. The decision to have sex is not a decision to have a child, but it always carries that risk. Sleeping with someone so soon after a breakup? Your 40-year-old ex-boyfriend sounds like an immature, irresponsible, whiney person. If the childs mother fully intends to love and support and care for her child, and explain to him/her that their biological fathers lack of desire to be a dad or deficits has nothing to do with him/her that child will grow up no worse for wear. Well, that part is pretty easy, since its the way things work now. Yes, its true it is past the point. And at 40 years of age, he should know how babies are made and if he didnt want kids, maybe he should have considered getting snipped? In the state I live in, you can leave a baby (or even child I think) in a church or hospital if you do not want the child and you will not get in any trouble for it. A female reader, iz07a +, writes (11 March 2010): my exboyfriend and i have been together for 5 yrs. Im quite late to the discussion, but I took a lot of time reading over the comments, trying to make sense of the two sides of the argument at hand. Really stupid. All we know is that she wants to have the baby- maybe because shes prepared to be a wonderful parent. Not only was she on the pill, but he wore a condom! So, you go back to where you started, and then he hits you with another bombshell. hamster van beethoven That isnt misogyny. Its that men should have as much of a say in whether they want to opt into support as do women. It isnt pertinent to the discussion. And more amazement with people who just cant live without a relationship with someone who has no concern about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met.. Thats why in rear-end situations, the second driver is liable, right? The idea that he actually said I would prefer if you had an abortion is laughable. Scummy is the wrong word to use. Yet you are mad at the other women and not him? We do live in a world where your opinion on one thing may not in fact be the most correct or perhaps their might even be two sides, both reasonable and rational positions to take. Everyone needs to quit having sex and then saying they hate or cant stand that person. We got back together but he dragged her along through texts for a week until I found out. Cried my eyeballs out evry nite. Actually, pulling out has a 4% failure rate versus 2% for condoms for perfect use.
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